Earth men beware of alien queen from HCCT’s ‘Zombies from the Beyond’
EDITOR’S NOTE: Residents of the Highland Lakes, remain calm. This was a fictional interview with the character of Zombina from the Hill Country Community Theatre production of “Zombies from the Beyond.” Zombina is being played by Kay Baker of KBEY 103.9 FM Radio Picayune.
JARED FIELDS • PICAYUNE STAFF
The Picayune staff received a tip that a strange being had landed in Cottonwood Shores near the Hill Country Community Theatre. As the relative greenhorn (i.e. expendable) staff member, I was sent to procure an interview with who I would find out to be Zombina, Queen of Planet X. Below is the declassified transcript of my exclusive interview with Zombina.
Zombina: Welcome.
Me: Shouldn’t I welcome you?
Zombina: No, I always do the welcoming because I’m the one who’s in charge. You have no idea the power that sits before you.
Me: You do look powerful, but I’ve never interviewed an alien, so I’m a little intimidated.
Zombina: I am not just any alien. I am Queen of Planet X.
Me: So why did you leave your home planet to come to Planet Earth?
Zombina: I’m on a very important mission. You see, many Earth-years ago, we she-beings of Planet X were in constraints, similar to your Earth women of today. Our need for emancipation ended in an unbridled atomic skirmish, and the entire population was stricken dead as a doornail with the exception of myself. Fortunately, I was able to revive the female faction of the cadavers from their comatose conditions, and, thusly, our planet is inhabited merely by bee-yoo-tee-us but bereft Zombettes. So we have come to Earth in search of MEN to perpetrate propagation.
Me: You’re quite the alien lady here on Earth. Are Earth men similar to the male species on Planet X?
Zombina: We found they are compatible enough. They’re definitely not as superior as the people on Planet X. But, you know, they’ll do in a pinch.
Me: So what is the type of male you are looking for?
Zombina: Really, at this point, anything that’s breathing. I need a lot of men to keep me happy. Luckily, I have fabulous weapons.
Me: Uh oh.
Zombina: One of them being my voice, which, I won’t use against you now because it will turn you into a zombie, but, yes, that coupled with a fantastic weapon that I have. It’s an unusual device that amplifies my voice. It would instantly turn you into a zombie, and you would be in my control. But since you’re interviewing me, I’ll let you slide by just for now.
Me: I was getting worried. Should I be worried or am I only the messenger spreading your word to the masses?
Zombina: At this point, you have not made me angry, so you should not be worried, but you know, do be careful because I anger easily.
Me: Speaking of weapons, for the folks reading at home who can’t see you, are there other weapons you have at your disposal?
Zombina: I have many weapons at my disposal, but really, the only weapon I need is my voice. Without it, I would be in big trouble. But don’t let that get out. That’s off the record.
Me: I’ve got to ask, what’s under the hood of your spacecraft that you came here in?
Zombina: Oh, gosh. That’s one of the reasons why I need men, in case that thing goes out. I have no idea what’s under the hood.
I think there’s some millennium crystals, but I’m not sure. I used to have an engineer named Scotty, but there was a bad accident. We won’t go into that. Maybe another article.
Me: Do you think it will be easy to just come here and get all the men you want and take them back to your home planet? Do you think we’ll just go along with you that easily?
Zombina: Look at me! Of course! (Maniacal laughter) Who could resist this pink, bouffant hair-do. But again, should I have difficulties, I could just turn them all into zombies, and we’ll be fine.
Me: And when we’re talking about zombies, we’re not talking about the brain-eating ones?
Zombina: No no no. Not brain-eating, just brain-less. Completely in my control.
Me: Aren’t men brainless anyway?
Zombina: Well, that’s always been my opinion, especially Earth men. I don’t know what it is about Earth men.
Me: Any final message for Earth beings before you release me back to my kind?
Zombina: Just be warned: Zombina is here, and she will take every Earth man available. So get ready boys, ’cause here I come.
“Zombies from the Beyond” runs Feb. 19-March 1 with performances at 7:30 p.m. Thursday-Saturday and 2:15 p.m. Sunday at the theater, 4003 FM 2147 in Cottonwood Shores. Tickets are $25 for adults and $12 for students with ID. Call the box office at (830) 798-8944.
Taking its cue from pulp movies popular in that decade, James Valcq’s “Zombies from the Beyond” is a hilarious and tuneful take on the American ideals and foibles in the Eisenhower era, according to the theater. Set in 1955, the Cold War and space race paranoia threaten the good folks at the fictional Milwaukee Space Center, where the staff is abuzz at the arrival of rocket scientist Trenton Corbett. The budding romance between Trenton and Mary — the daughter of Space Center commander Major Malone — is jeopardized when a flying saucer lands in Milwaukee. The craft is piloted by Zombina, a buxom alien aviatrix bent on procuring male specimens to re-populate her planet.